I fell off the weight watchers wagon during the holidays. I clawed my way back on in January. Then the weather went to hell in a hand basket in February and I fell off hard again. I am back to my old junk food ways. The plan is to get back on the wagon when life calms down a little in a week or two. I will be just as militant in my weight watchers as I was in the fall, don’t worry about that.

That’s not what this post is about though. This post, as the title suggests, is about Blasphemy with a capital B.

Seeing as Spring is coming quickly upon us, the world turns its junk food eye to the Easter holiday. That means one thing and one thing only. Cadbury Mini Eggs. The single greatest junk food ever created by human brilliance. The genius of the Mini Eggs cannot be overstated. Word on the street though is that Cadbury will soon be stopping all operation within the United States. That means that Mini Egg lovers like me need to get them while they can! Fortunately for my sweet tooth (singular. There is literally only one tooth left in my rotten head. Well… not literally, more like figuratively… for now) I’m off the weight watchers wagon and can indulge my love for the heavenly decadence of Cadbury’s finest confection.

I bought two bags at a CVS last night. When I came home I eagerly opened one, dumped the contents into a bowl, and prepared for junk food bliss.

But wait…

What’s going on here?

The colors are all wrong! Did Hershey’s screw things up on us?

I popped one into my mouth, not even worrying about the huge red flag that should have been waving in my clueless, unsuspecting face.

Wait a tic… What’s going on here?

This is dark chocolate! What What What? Dark Chocolate?


I checked the bag I just opened. Sure enough, it says dark chocolate. I am insulted. I am offended. They took the greatest thing on Earth and took a giant crap all over it. Dark chocolate? No. Mini Eggs must be only the finest milk chocolate. Only the best will do! Not some faux chocolate kick in the balls. Never! Never, I say!

I said I bought two bags last night. The other one is milk chocolate. That means some clueless rouge of a CVS employee mixed two different products into the same bin. Damn his or her eyes!

Dark chocolate mini eggs. How dare they? How Dare they!

Originally published at on March 14, 2015.


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